Focus

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in reality that I forget to let my mind wander beyond it. You know, I have insanely crazy and wild dreams. Let's just take for example one of the most recent ones in which I was treated a l'Cie and had a ton of people trying to kill me. Even the few people that were helping me began to turn over time to try and kill me, and I had to fight to stay alive. Also, during that dream, I went head to head with Darth Vader in a lightsaber match. Epic dream? I'll say so.

Another dream occured in which my pal Tyson and I were trying to get jobs at this outdoor mall downtown, upon which Lightning from FFXIII was infected with some sort of radioactive material (think that first season Heroes plot) and was going to explode. She was there to take revenge on the guy that did this to her, none other than Lex Luthor. He talks his way out, she ends up racing away and exploding. The last part of the dream is Tyson and I driving after some ambulances and police cars.

Honestly, I love my dreams. They take me on such amazing adventures that I can't seem to conjure when I'm awake. I realize that consciousness, that reality is a binding wall that tries to encroach creativity. Or at least that's how it seems to be for me. I just feel so much more free when I'm asleep, and I almost feel as though I can't fully be myself when I'm awake because a part of me lives in those dreams. I guess the question that plagues me is how can I get that piece of me to show his face in reality. Random outbursts tend to be frowned upon in society, and while I'm relatively unconcerned with what people think of me, willfully outcasting myself from society is the last way I can be of benefit to it. Really, my dream is to be able to help change the flow of society, make it better than it is.

I think that's why I blog. These are my dreams, which I can record to the Internet. It matters to me that my ideas flow out there, that they might in some way become tangible to other people. Maybe it'll inspire them, maybe my ideas will piss them off, but somehow it'll get a reaction out of them and hopefully incite them to action. I think everyone wants to be remembered somehow, they want to know that what they did matters to someone, somehow.

I want what I did to matter. I want to be the best man I can be, and slightly less noble, I want to be one of the best guys there is. It's a little arrogant I'll admit, but I want to make a difference, to make a change. I can't settle with being good, I want to be great. I don't know how I'm going to do it just yet, I don't know what career path to take in order to best help people, but I'm on my way to finding them. It's not a matter of hoping to be great, it's that I will be. I'll push myself as far as I have to go in order to achieve my dreams. I'm done sitting around, twiddling my fingers and merely hoping for my life to get better. If there's anything I've learned in life it's that we have the power to mold our lives as we see fit. We have our agency, we have the power to make this world what we want it to be, to make our lives as we want them to be. That thought is my hope, and it keeps me going.

My life. My dreams. My focus.