The "If"

I think that everyone has one moment (or more) in life where they look back and wonder how things could have been different? I'm not saying the lengths of "If I was born back ______" but more like "If I had only said 'hello'" or something of the sort, something that would've been within our power to change. I'm not admitting to making any regrets, as I enjoy my life the way it is, but there are times when I wonder whether a failed attempt or a wrong decision may have cost me.

Right now I'm looking less at "If I'd only done that" to "can I swap a few things around?" Not clearly said, but it's more like this. Every now and then there are some very good friends of mine that drive me up the wall. ABSOLUTELY. NUTS. I turn my eyes and look at other smiling faces that I am acquainted with but not conjoined to as I am to the friends I possess and wonder "what if that person had been my friend instead of this person?" There are a few moments where I'd be willing to swap a friend for someone else.

I'm not saying that anyone else would be problem free, everyone has their problems and as friends you come together to help them. My frustration stems from the fact that those friends that have been talking my ears off--or more realisitically to the point that I want to tear my ears off--ask for advice and then... they ignore it completely. Once upon my time I thought myself to be the most stubborn amongst my friends, but I have suddenly realized that I'm losing that race to many of them. Stubborn and unwilling to admit to any faults, that sort of arrogance and pride comes at a price. Drama. Trial. Yes, this is the reason I wish to swap a few people. I'll take whatever drama might come with them so long as they are willing to admit that they are wrong!

Is it so bad to be wrong? You learn much more from failure than from victory, and when you are wrong you learn much as well. Why are people so afraid to learn? I realize that admitting you're wrong is hard, I too have some troubles with it, but I have seen the growth I gain when I bow my head to it and ultimately it makes me happier. The world just seems to want to linger in ignorance and learn nothing, and that is what drives me nuts.

While perhaps I should be using my time to show people that being wrong isn't so bad, I'm fed up with these people that I merely wish I could trade them for some more humble, open minded people. I'm not the most humble or open minded, but being around more people of that sort would expose me to such dispositions more and hopefully rub off on me. Right now I'm exposed to stubborness (a trait I'm trying to strike from myself) and trying to rub it off is very difficult when everyone around me is so stubborn.

If only I'd known then what I know now, perhaps I would've chosen some different roads. I would never deny the friends I have, but to have made some more friends with humble qualities would have been very beneficial. Humble people, are you out there? If so, please stand still while I try to come and find you. Yes, I'm more than willing to come to you, I just need something different.